The Four Styles of Parenting

Dismissing Parent-Disapproving Parent
Permissive Parent-Conscious Parent

THE DISMISSING PARENT

CHARACTERISTICS

treats child's feelings as unimportant, trivial
disengages from or ignores the child's feelings
wants the child's negative emotions to disappear quickly
characteristically uses distraction to shut down child's emotions
may ridicule or make light of a child's emotions
shows little interest in what the child is trying to communicate
may lack awareness of emotions in self and others
feels uncomfortable, fearful, anxious, annoyed, hurt or overwhelmed by the child's emotions
fears being out-of-control emotionally
focuses more on how to get over emotion than on the meaning
believes negative emotions are harmful or toxic
believes focusing on negative emotions will "just make matters worse"
feels uncertain about what to do with the child's emotions
sees the child's emotions as a demand to fix things
believes negative emotions mean the child is not well adjusted
believes the child's negative emotions reflect badly on their parents
believes negative emotions reflect badly on the parents
minimizes the child's feelings, downplaying the events that led to the emotion
does not problem solve with the child; believes that the passage of time will resolve most problems

EFFECTS

Children learn that their feelings are wrong, inappropriate or invalid. The may learn that there is something inherently wrong with them because of the way they feel. A child cannot understand why the emotions she is feeling are not recognized by the parent as valid. A child may have difficulty regulating her own emotions and the emotional connection with the parent is lost in favor of glossing over tough feelings.

A Self-Test: What Style of Parent Are You?
The Heart of Parenting: Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child

The Dismissing Parent: Return to My Parenting Style Score
The Dismissing Parent: Return to Home